I Don't See Color

"I don't see color."

Is that so?

I know I don't speak for all people of color, but for myself and many others, this statement is not consoling. When you tell me you don't see my color, is it because I am invisible to you? Or is it because you would rather not see what makes us different?

I have no problem with my skin color nor do I have a problem with being different. The danger of desiring sameness is that people often mistake sameness for unity. We don't have to be the same to be united. Celebrating diversity is much more beneficial than trying to pretend it doesn't exist.

I realize that some people will say they don't see my color as a way of saying they see beyond the color of my skin. I get it. But I still don't find it comforting. Here's why: my color is part of what makes me who I am. It has shaped my experiences in this world and therefore has shaped my ways of understanding myself and the world. It has also pushed me to be more courageous and outspoken on matters of injustice.

I want you to see my heart, but I also want you to see my color - it contains layers of beautiful cultures that I inherited from my ancestors. I am proud of where I come from and of the people who created the skin tone I now wear. I have roots in Nigeria, Trinidad and Tobago, the Indigenous Americas and Spain. Just as I am proud to be a woman - and to have a heart that loves with a feminine strength - so too does my heart pound with the strength of those who came before me. Why would I deny my heritage, or let anyone else deny it?

I also want you to see my color because there are so many ways that the American culture tries to stomp it out or push it down.

As a dancer, I regularly had to buy make-up and clothing for performances. I didn't notice until I was a young adult that the color described as "nude" was a problem. This "color" didn't match my nude, but somehow it was the default. So what did this say to me in the world of dance and beauty? As a woman with darker skin, the message was clear: "Your color doesn't belong here." That created a problem not just for the way I saw myself, but for the way others would see me. What do you think that says to little girls and young women who are "white"? It tells them they are the default, the preferred, that they belong. But it also says that anyone who isn't like them doesn't belong. This is how racist attitudes are born without it even being taught at home. So unless parents are actually attentive to things like that and discuss it with their children, the idea of "I belong, but other colors don't" remains the norm.

Think about other labels, too. I use the term "African-American" because that's the blanket term used to describe anyone who's black and born in America. But that leaves out other parts of me that are equally as important. In addition, have you ever noticed that people of European descent don't have to check off boxes on official forms that say "Polish-American" or "German-American"? Why not? Why does their box just say "white"? To me terms like "African-American" or "Asian-American" are terms used to label others as if to say, "You don't belong. You are not from here. You are only part American." Just a gentle reminder: most of us are not from here. So why not call out ALL of us who originated from somewhere else?

This brings me to reflect on two concepts that I've recently learned about: racism as America's original sin, and the fact that race doesn't even exist.

The best I can do to explain these concepts is to refer to https://www.racepowerofanillusion.org where you can find an interview with Audrey Smedley, author of Race in North America: Origins of a Worldview. In the interview, Smedley speaks of the greed on which America was built, as well as the reason behind separating Irish indentured servants and African slaves who had once lived together harmoniously without the need to differentiate between "race". Essentially, Smedley explains how race was created as a way to keep power in the hands of some and out of the hands of others.

I invite you to read the above-mentioned article in order to gain a deeper understanding of race and racism - of how race was created and why, and how it leads to the ways in which we see each other now. What I wish to say about how others might see me is that I do not have a problem with the color of my skin. What makes me angry is the idea that to some, the color of my skin is a problem. So the next time you walk past a group of black teenagers, pay attention to where your mind goes. Does it go there when you walk past a group of white teenagers? Or when you see a black woman upset about the way she or her loved ones are being treated, must she be stereotyped as an angry black woman? Or can she be allowed to stand up for herself and others?

It's all about paying attention. Pay attention to how people of color are portrayed in movies, the news, etc. because what we see shapes our way of thinking whether we realize it or not. As long as we pay attention, we are able to see not beyond the color, but beyond the prejudices and stereotypes about the color.

This is why representation matters. To see myself represented in a positive light - such as in sacred art featuring people with various cultural backgrounds - it says to me, "You can achieve this. You can be holy, good, worthy. You can be a leader." Not only that, but for people of all colors to be represented in images of holiness and authority says to each of us, "People who are different than me can achieve this, too. They can be holy, good, worthy. They can be leaders."

The way I see myself is important. But the way we see others is what changes the world.

Choosing to Journey in Hope,
Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay, CSSF

Photo by Taleisha Goodson (feat. her daughter)

Photo by Taleisha Goodson used with permission

Instagram: @taleishagoodson