In struggling with the division that seeks to infiltrate the silence of my heart, I came to identify with the young man stuck on a tiny boat with a tiger in the middle of an ocean. How? Well, the answer stems from the idea that Pi's story is supposed to lead his interviewer to believe in God.
Pi presents his story in two different versions. His first version is the one he chooses to believe: the story where, in the midst of chaos and peril, a hyena kills a zebra, then kills an orangutan, and then is himself killed by a tiger. This tiger ends up being Pi's unlikely and unwelcome companion as he drifts about the ocean in waves of courage and despair. At first Pi is terrified of this tiger, doing everything possible to avoid and distance himself from this fierce beast. Eventually he hopes to tame the tiger, but realizes his only hope of survival lies in accepting this animal and situation for what it is. The two almost become friends. Pi even saves the life of the tiger on at least two separate occasions. When they part ways in the end, Pi remains heartbroken into adulthood, wondering why the tiger never even looked back to say goodbye after all they had endured together. However, each time Pi recounts this version of his story, no one believes him. They all insist, "You could not have really survived at sea with a tiger. Tell us the true version."
At the urging of two investigators from Japan, Pi gives us his second version: This time a cook kills an injured passenger, then proceeds to kill Pi's mother, and then meets his end when Pi kills him. The investigators listen in horror as Pi gives them the gruesome details, tears streaming down his face, as he describes watching his own mother die and then his own shocking and violent murder of the cook. By the end, the investigators remain stunned. "So, which version is true?" they wonder, not really wanting to fully grasp the horrific scene just illustrated for them. "Which would you rather believe?" Pi asks. When we are given the details of the report filed by the investigators, we learn they report the event as the first version Pi gives. When Pi asks his interviewer this same question toward the end of the movie, the interviewer also chooses to believe the first version.
In relation to my interior struggle with division, I see these two stories as one: The hyena represents the cook, the zebra represents the injured passenger, the orangutan represents Pi's mother, and the tiger represents Pi himself. Pi is at first frightened when he realizes he is travelling with such a dangerous and savage creature. Fear insists that distance must remain between them,
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I have begun to examine my own stormy journey at sea. I have seen this tiger emerge, and so am trying to understand what to do with it. I have tried keeping it at bay, refusing to accept it as something that is a part of myself. I have tried taming it, pretending it could be made docile, perhaps invisible. But none of this is working. How do I integrate this tiger into who I am? And what is this tiger anyway? What is the beast I am attempting to escape? Hope comes in the fact that Pi learned to integrate his beast, even to the point of loving him. Hope emerges as well in the second part of the interviewer's concern: The idea that Pi's story is supposed to make him believe in God.
As the movie comes to an end, Pi explains to his interviewer, "I gave you two versions of the story. I choose to believe in the version with the animals. You, and the investigators, choose to believe that version as well. I think God would also choose to see things that way."
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And so, my second source of hope is that whatever my tiger may be, I trust God sees the chaos which summoned this creature from deep within me. One day I will learn to integrate it, and then a day will come when perhaps I do not need its ferocity to survive. In the meantime, I seek to embrace it and discover its role in my life.
If you have not yet seen the movie I hope I did not give too much of it away, but I highly recommend you watch it (or read the book). May we all learn to see our tigers as the result of our difficult journeys and so live with mercy and compassion the way our Heavenly does.