Doing & Being

I've been speaking to a lot of groups lately, but I find it ironic that I'm speaking at all. By nature I keep most of my words in my head, but even when I do want to speak, I prefer it to be minimal and in a group of no more than five people. That, or in a profound conversation with someone whose depth of spirit speaks to my own.

By definition of what I've been doing lately I guess you could call me a "national speaker". I've spoken all across the country in a number of churches, schools and institutions; have been interviewed for various media and written material; and have even had to turn down some invitations because of a schedule that can't fit anything more.

When I reflect on this, I'm tempted to laugh, but I'm mostly confused because I have no interest in public speaking. I'd rather read a book than speak about it, so I keep asking God the same question dear old Moses did, "Why me? Don't you want someone else?"

I have a very simple philosophy when it comes to God's will: God opens doors when there's a path I should walk and God closes doors when I need to look elsewhere. God has shown me where to turn by making things happen that I couldn't have accomplished on my own (like when I took the wrong test to apply for the School of Education and was admitted anyway); or by giving me "no" as an answer when I wanted to hear "yes". Sometimes a "closed door" has been simply knowing in my heart that I'm not pursuing what I know I should be, and I'm not at peace until I listen.

As I see all these doors opening for me to walk into schools and parishes, it tells me that this is where God wants me right now. The invitations wouldn't be coming if God had other plans in mind. Even still, while this may be what I do, it doesn't really feel like who I am.

The other day I was preparing to lead a retreat for high school seniors. I always get nervous before presentations and retreats because I want to offer the best and leave people with something they can really use in their relationship with God. The night before this particular retreat I prayed, "Lord, please help me to be who you need me to be for these students." In that moment my mind quieted and I felt the Lord say, "I don't need you to be anything. Just be yourself." It was both comforting and unsettling. I wanted more guidance than that, and yet I knew that was truly all God wanted.

So if my doing is not my being, then I suppose it is not so much what I share as it is who I share. I have been trying to fit the role of how I view public speakers - as dynamic extroverts with lots of things to say. Instead, I need to find a way of public speaking that is me - a friendly introvert with lots of things on her mind.

I wonder how many people get stuck trying to fit a role as it is commonly cast. How do we break free? How do we re-imagine the role so that we can still do what needs to be done, but in a way that gives us space to be us?

The photos you see in this post were taken by Carlos Trujillo during a talk I gave in Albuquerque,
NM. They say so much of who I am, and yet give the impression that I am a speaker and a performer. I consider myself neither, but, in the words of Mother Teresa, I do consider myself a pencil in the hand of God. Who am I to decide what story God should write with me, or how it should be written? It is enough that God should want to write with me.

So, as I continue to be entrusted with a stage and a microphone, I will do my best to make the most of it. Considering that Lent has just begun, perhaps I could use it as a time to further explore how to be in all that I do. Please pray for me as I pray for you.

Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay

The End of Doubt

Kate Buckley Photography

After nine years of prayer, formation and formal discernment, I made my final vows with the Felician Sisters on August 15, 2019. Those years flew by like clouds on a windy day, but they were meaningful and packed to the brim with experiences and people who helped to shape me. Even after those very full nine years, I still couldn't be 100% sure that I was ready to say "yes" forever. I was about 90% sure, however, that I didn't want to say "no". I had been living this religious life for nine years and I couldn't imagine myself doing or being anything different.

In preparation for the big day, we spent several weeks throughout the year in prayer and conversation. It was a year of reflection, but even the day before the day I thought to myself, "This final vow ceremony is pretty much just a formality. I've been living the vows for six years already, and nothing changes after this. I'll still be doing what I've been doing and living where I've been living. It's no big deal." Oh, but it was a big deal.

When we processed into the chapel at the start of Mass, joy flooded my heart with wave after wave of

Kate Buckley Photography

smiling faces. Parents, siblings, family from miles away, friends, sisters from other congregations, sisters from my own congregation, people from my Pomona family - they were all there, and they were there to support and encourage me as they had all along the way. I was so excited I couldn't even cry, but I'm crying now just recalling that moment. All these eyes connected with mine, but our hearts had been intertwined long ago. Almost 100 people came to celebrate, and Jesus was certainly in our midst. Not just another body in the crowd, He was the pulse of it - the branch connecting all the vines with mutual love and excitement.

I don't remember much else, but I do remember that I wholeheartedly enjoyed the music. I'm a dancer by nature, but I fervently sang along to songs that had been a part of my journey from the beginning and songs that had connected me with my sisters over time. Basically I was just enjoying a rather fancy and personalized Mass; but then came the reception of the ring. I stood at the front of the chapel while the priest held up a simple silver ring. I'm sure he said something very profound and I probably responded with "Amen" but all I really know is that as soon as the ring made its way onto my finger, a sudden and slow explosion began to go off in my mind.

Kate Buckley Photography

About 50 different thoughts came at me as soon as I received that ring. For one, I realized that I had been subconsciously keeping myself aware of all the options still available to me prior to that very day. Up until that moment, I had subconsciously been saying to myself, "This isn't forever yet. I can still choose to pursue anything. I could travel, get married, have kids, anything." However, as I watched that little silver ring slide onto my finger something else became apparent: out of all the options out there, I chose this one. I could have chosen anything else, but I didn't.

As I continue to reflect on that moment, I realize that I was not only living with an awareness of other options, I was living as if I might choose one of them instead. I loved my community from the beginning, and felt all along that God had been inviting me here, but even then I hadn't fully given myself all of those years. Not only was I holding onto those other options subconsciously, but I was living them subliminally. I was not going on dates or flirting, of course, but neither was I 100% invested in my call to religious life. I was living it knowing that it could potentially be temporary, halfheartedly showing up to prayers and never giving a thought to how it affected others. That ring changed everything.

It makes me think of the Catholic Church's firm stance on couples not living together before they get married. I always knew it was important, but I never really paid attention to why it mattered so much. With this new understanding of commitment, I'm finally "getting it". When two people live together before marriage, they know in the back of their minds that the person they're with is still just one option out of many. They may not say that out loud, but it's subconscious, and so at some level they will live that way, too. It may not come in the form of physical betrayal, but it's hard to invest oneself fully in a commitment when it still just remains an option. At the same time, the other person knows that they remain simply one option out of many. Thus, marriage becomes a way for a couple to say to one another, "Out of all the options out there, I choose you. I choose to give myself fully to you and to nothing and no one else."

My little ring has become a symbol of just that. On August 15th I said to God, "Out of all the options out there, I choose you. I choose to give myself fully to you and to nothing and no one else." So here I am, committed to no one and everyone all at once, serving through the charism of my beloved congregation. Where will it lead me? I have no idea, but I am content in knowing that "I have found the One whom my soul loves" (Song of Solomon 3:4).

Kate Buckley Photography

The Heart of a Mother

I love giving vocation talks, not because I'm trying to recruit young women to religious life, but because a lot of young people are curious about the lives of Sisters and don't always have a chance to ask us questions. The Q&A portion is my favorite part of a vocation talk. I get questions as simple as "Are you allowed to listen to any kind of music?" and questions as complicated as "Don't you want to have children?" This second question is the one I sat down to write about today.

When I ask a young woman whether or not she has considered the possibility of religious life, if she says, "No," it's often followed by, "Because I want to get married and have children." Oddly enough, a lot of Sisters I know said the very same thing when someone had asked them the very same question. Despite all the gender stereotype and social construct arguments, I do believe that our bodies are deeply connected to our souls. The womb of a woman is not just another body part, but is central and sacred, even the womb of a woman physically unable bear children. The space within us tells us that we are bearers of life, that we can carry another human being within ourselves. It makes sense, then, that a young woman's hesitation to religious life would be the relinquishing of such a gift. But is it something we actually relinquish?

This reminds me of the story of Abraham, called to return his son to the Lord by sacrificing him. That's how I felt about dance once upon a time. I thought that once I entered the convent there would be no dancing, that it would be a gift I would have to sacrifice and return to God. Instead, it has been returned to me and its blessing upon my life has increased a hundredfold, just like God promising Abraham "descendants as countless as the stars" because he was willing to let go of that which he held dear (Gen. 22:17). I think it's the same for a woman who cherishes her life-bearing abilities and yet decides to live out the religious vow of chastity. Many of us enter religious life thinking, "I would love to have children, but this is where I am called, and so I am willing to make this sacrifice." In the end, though, I am starting to see that much like Abraham, we too receive descendants as countless as the stars.

I didn't think too often about having children until I was a novice and my sister was pregnant with her first child. The mystery and excitement of it all paralleled a deep sadness that began to run through me. Being the older sister by only a few years, my younger sister and I had always been very close. I had often experienced life's challenges first which gave me the ability to help guide her through similar challenges later. That was not the case this time. I couldn't understand what she was going through and, I realized, I never would. "We'll never be able to swap giving-birth stories," I thought, "Or watch our kids play and grow up together." I would smile whenever we spoke on the phone, but at night I would turn to my pillow and cry.

Roller-coasters with my favorite nephew

It's been six years since then. In addition to her gentle son, my sister also has a girl now, a spicy little 5-year-old who couldn't wait to start kindergarten this year. As I prepare to make final vows, I still let my mind drift from time to time and wonder what it would have been like to have children. I wonder what they would have looked like, or how they would have behaved. Would they have been artists or athletes? Maybe both! I wonder if I would have ever gotten them to school on time since I can't stand waking up early. Would they have been little night owls, too? Or would they have pounced on me at 5:00 in the morning, ready for a new day?

Twinning with my favorite niece

While I do not have answers to those questions, I am starting to feel my heart open up in a way I can only describe as the heart of a mother. I would do anything for my nephew and niece. I save all the drawings they give me; I think mean thoughts about the kids that bully them (and then try to pray for the conversion of their heathen souls); I spend all my money on them at Christmas; and I sit on the phone with them for as long as they want when they call. They may not be my kids, but my heart can't tell the difference. My sister jokes that they're half of her and half of me. My nephew is becoming a little bookworm, just like I was when I was his age, and my niece is obsessed with animals of all sorts, wanting to rescue them no matter how big or small.

That maternal love is extending now, further and further, as I spend more time with the youth in our country. During a retreat this month I had the opportunity to speak one-on-one with a handful of high school students. I was surprised by the level of despair and pain with which they came to me. They were carrying tragedy and questions that I never had to deal with so young. As I listened to them I longed to carry it all for them. I found myself asking God how I could help lighten their loads, or how I could help them discover the abundance of God's love for them. I would sometimes look out at all of them during quiet moments of prayer, just to take in every little hair on their precious heads. I imagine that's how a parent feels - wishing they could take away their child's pain, whether it's a scraped knee or a deep heartache; or watching their child, toddler or teen, during some simple activity and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift of their lives.

Maybe I thought I was giving up a huge part of my life when I realized I wouldn't be having children; maybe I felt like I was sacrificing my own child the way Abraham must have felt as he held the knife over Isaac; but God's invitation is always followed by lavish, life-altering love. That's what I found instead of sacrifice and emptiness. I am discovering each day a love that is as true as any I could have hoped for. I guess my answer to the question "Don't you want to have children?" will now be something more along the lines of, "Of course! That's why I have hundreds."

JOY: Jesus, Others and You

Busy Busy Busy! I just wanted to share a wonderful experience I had last week in Henderson, KY. I was there from Sunday, April 15th through Sunday, April 22nd visiting a variety of schools and sharing my vocation story. You may be wondering just how I ended up going to a little city out in the country. To find out, read on! Last summer, I had the chance to speak at the 12th National Black Catholic Congress in Orlando, FL, where I also proclaimed the reading during Mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of Mary Queen of the Universe. The group traveled together to and from Mass on a bus, and it was on this bus that I met Father Anthony Shonis. After some lively conversation, Father Shonis extended the invitation that eventually brought me to the Diocese of Henderson, KY. While in Kentucky, I had a full itinerary - I spoke the night I arrived, every day thereafter, and then again on the very morning I left. I met with groups of all ages at schools across the diocese. My youngest audience included pre-kindergarten, but I also spoke with children in elementary, middle, and high school. Teaching the little ones a chant with some movement! I always shared my story first, talking about where I grew up and how I met the Felician Sisters. Then I talked a bit about religious life, explaining the vows and the difference between nuns and sisters, as well the difference between Franciscans, Dominicans, and Benedictines. I would then ask the kids a few questions, sometimes rewarding them with a knotted rosary I had made when they answered correctly - or even sometimes when they answered creatively, even if it wasn't the answer I was looking for. :) After my story and explanations, I allowed time for the kids to ask me questions. I received excellent questions from every grade, including some interesting ones such as "What happens if you break the vows?"; "What do you think you would be doing right now if you weren't a sister?"; and "How do you pay for all of your travels?" Me with the Youth Group at Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church My favorite question, however, came on the last day. After Mass, I spoke with the kids who came from the public schools for religious education. It was a mixed group, so there were children from elementary to high school present. When I finished speaking and invited questions from the students, a little boy in the front row raised his hand high and asked, "Is all of this true?" I held my laughter in behind a great big smile and said, "It is, actually! It's pretty much my whole life story all in one very short presentation." He stared at me in awe as I continued answering some other very good questions. Posing with my new little friends at John Paul II Catholic School After all of the questions had been asked and answered during my presentation, I did one of two things. With the lower grades - usually kindergarten through fifth grade - I would teach the students a chant with some movements I had made up. The kids had a great time, jumping up and down and using their 'outside' voices even though they were inside. One of the teachers came to me afterward and said, "That was great! We're going to use that as opening prayer from now on!" With the middle and high school students, I would do something a little different. I had some choreography prepared that went with a popular song all the students knew, so it was a nice surprise for them to see I could dance. The older kids loved it! They started bouncing around as soon as the song came on, but they also had a great time learning the dance and competing to see who could do it best. I received several compliments afterward, from both middle and high school students, and sometimes even from their teachers who had gotten up and tried the dance, too. At one point, Father Anthony Shonis even tried learning the dance! Teaching a dance I choreographed for the upper grades Near the end of my time in Kentucky, I was blessed to be able to speak at the annual Black Catholic gathering for the diocese of Henderson. The day began with breakfast and Mass, followed by a short Q&A session with the bishop. Afterward, everyone moved to the parish hall where I spoke with the small group of about 20 people in attendance. The theme was "Missionary Discipleship from a Multicultural Perspective: Effective Inclusion." I shared my story and focused on how God has been able to break barriers in and around me simply through my "Yes." Explaining that it was not necessarily my intent to break these barriers, I shared that now I know it was God's intent and that my choice to follow His will is what allows me to be a voice for the minorities I represent. Several of the individuals shared their own difficult stories about racism and prejudice, explaining that they had been mad at God, wondering why He would make them "like this" (African American/black) if it meant they were going to be mistreated. In the course of the sharing, many individuals expressed their gratitude for groups and events like the Black Catholic gathering because it gave them the opportunity to have a place in the Church. As the presentation came to a close, I thanked the group for their invitation and for their sharing. I explained, "I fall into many minority groups - I'm a minority as a woman of color; I'm a minority as a woman of color who's Catholic; I'm a minority as a young sister; I'm a minority as a young sister who's black; so a lot of people have begun turning to me, asking for my opinions. They see me and say, 'There are not many of you. We want to know what you think.' Now that you have shared your stories, I will join your voices with mine so we can speak together when people ask me what I think." Me & some attendees from the Black Catholic gathering in Henderson, KY I can hardly express the joy and beauty I experienced in Kentucky. It confirmed the hopes I'd had when I first began to contemplate religious life seriously - hopes that God would use my gifts and life for a purpose, and that my relationship with God and the world around and within me would deepen. I can only describe it in this way: I felt as if I were being lifted to God by all of my Felician Sisters at once; like I was in the middle of a wonderful celebration where all at the same time I was learning, loving, and laughing. It was like looking up at the sky right when the shooting star made its appearance; like knowing I am right where I am meant to be.

A Shout Out to St. Michael's Catholic School of Livonia, Michigan!

Near the end of the 2013-2014 school year I received several letters and cards of encouragement from the sixth grade classes of St. Michael's Catholic School in Livonia, MI.  Several of our Sisters live in that area and a few of them still minister at the school.  For Catholic Schools Week the students were asked to pray for a specific individual and then send him or her a card.  I was blessed to be one of those recipients, and so I still have in my possession their very thoughtful, colorful, inspirational and prayerful messages.  So a very big THANK YOU to them!

Some of the cards from the fantastic kids at St. Michael's

Some of the students who sent me a letter also asked me some questions.  I couldn't fit my answers in the Thank You card I sent, so I am going to answer those questions right here, right now...


Ellie R. asked:

1. At first, was it hard to understand God's call when it happened, or did you understand it right away?

• It started out kind of slowly, like an idea that popped into my head when I was around your age.  It seemed like something that would be really interesting and unique and I thought to myself, "I think I'd like to join the convent."  I thought about it again in high school and then again in college.  It just always appealed to me.  Eventually I met some Sisters at a convent near my house and I started spending time with them.  Soon I decided to join, and I've been happy ever since.  For me, God's call was very subtle, but very simple, so I understood very easily what God was asking of me.

Elizabeth C. asked:

1. Do you have to stay inside all the time?
2. Do you like to read?

• I do not have to stay inside all the time, but there are some communities of religious who do.  They are called "cloistered" and their main ministry is prayer.  Our community is active-contemplative, so we pray a lot, but we also get out and do a lot.  If you're wondering what sorts of things we do, we help the homeless, some of us teach, we go shopping for things we need, we go to the beach, we go to the State Fair, we go out to eat, we go out to get exercise, we give retreats, we visit with people in hospitals, we do lots of stuff!

• I love to read.  Some of my favorite books are "The Chronicles of Narnia", "The Hunger Games", and pretty much any book with stories about miracles and Mary.  I like to read books that help me learn more about my faith and that show me how God works in other people's lives.

Hannah B. asked:

1. How old were you when you decided that you wanted to devote your life to God?
2. How do people in formation earn money to feed themselves and the poor?  Do you earn the items you need by getting a part-time job, or do you rely on donations?

• I was 22 years old when I decided to devote my life to God.  I had just graduated from college and I wanted to be and do something that would give my life purpose.  I was not living for God before college, so I wanted to change that.  I felt a strong desire to dedicate myself to God by surrounding myself with others who wanted to do the same.  That's when I met the Felician Sisters!  They were women who had dedicated their lives to God and I admired them very much, so I decided to dedicate my life to God with them.
  
  
• People in formation receive an allowance once a month.  Since they don't have paying ministries (jobs), Sisters in formation receive money from the Sisters who do get paid.  Basically we have one main bank account, like a big pot where everyone's money goes.  Then, from the big pot everyone gets money according to what they need.  If I need a lot of things because I have to buy clothing and food for the poor, then I might get more money than someone who only needs to buy school supplies.  Our vow of poverty reminds us that we must be willing to share what we have, including money.  Now that I teach, I’m happy that the money I make can be shared with Sisters around the world for whatever they need.  Sometimes we do receive donations, and that is very helpful.  When people donate their money, it helps us provide for people in our jobs, on the streets, and in other countries.

Isabella S. asked:

1. How did you know you wanted to become a Sister?
2. Did God ask you?  If he did, how did he ask you, or how did you realize he was calling you?
3. Why did you want to become a Sister?

• I knew I wanted to become a Sister because I knew I wanted a deeper relationship with God and I felt that this was the best way for me to do that.  I think that whatever vocation God calls us to is the one that He knows will deepen our relationship with Him.  For some of us, getting married helps to deepen our relationship with God.  For others, like me, a vocation to the religious life is what helps.  As soon as I made the decision to become a Sister, I was at peace.  Even when I miss my family or have a tough day, this peace never leaves me.

• I never really heard a voice of God asking me, but it was more like a longing in my heart.  I wanted something very special, and this seemed to be the answer.  So instead of a voice, it was more like I felt God’s love drawing me here.  I realized this because of the peace I mentioned.  My heart was asking for something I had not yet given it, and so when I decided to dedicate myself to God, it was like my heart finally felt at home.
  
  
• I knew this was the place for me because any obstacles that might have kept me from becoming a Sister were cleared out of my way.  For example, someone who wants to join the religious life cannot be in debt.  We cannot owe money from loans or large purchases like cars, and when I decided to join the convent I still owed $3,000 to college.  I did not have enough money to pay off that debt so I said to God, "If this is really where You want me, You'll have to figure something out because I can't take care of this."  About a month later I received money from my school and was able to pay everything off!  I didn't have any more debt.  It was like a big, "Yes, this is what I want you to do," from God, so it was very clear that I should move forward with my decision to become a Felician Sister.

Hannah M. asked:

1. How long did it take you, or how long has it been, since you decided to become a nun?

• I am 27 years old now, so it has been five years since I made my decision.  I was 22 years old

  

  From the ceremony last year
  when I made my First Vows

  when I decided to join the convent (fresh out of college!) and it will take me about four more years before my commitment is permanent.  Right now I am in a stage called “temporary vows”.  This is a time where we take our vows, but they sort of expire after one year.  When they expire, we renew them and continue our commitment for another year.  After about six years in temporary vows, we make “final vows” and that’s when our commitment is permanent.  If at any time during temporary vows I thought God was no longer calling me here, then after my vows expired I would choose not to renew them and then I would return home.  But before we even take vows for the first time, we spend three years learning about the community and getting to know what it’s like to live as a Sister.  So it takes a while, but that’s to help each person make sure this is really the life for them.

Julia S. asked:

1. When did you get your calling to be a Sister?
2. Are there any other people in your family that are involved in religious vocations?
3. Are you interested in community service, such as teaching or working with the poor?  Or would you rather do things within the convent?

• I believe the first time I really felt called to religious life was around your age.  I remember already thinking in middle school (or junior high) that I would probably like to join the convent.  When I was 22 I felt like it just needed to happen, so after getting to know the Felician Sisters I asked to join their community and here I am five years later!

• No one else from my family is in religious life yet.  I had an uncle who was studying to be a priest when he was a young adult, but he got sick and was never able to fully recover.  Other than that, I’m the one and only so far, but perhaps one day that will change.  My youngest sister is 9 and she already thinks that maybe this is the life God is calling her to.
  
  
• I really enjoy being with people, so I am very happy to be teaching.  This is only my second year as a teacher, but I already love it.  I teach at an all-girls Catholic high school here in California.  It’s such a blessing to minister to young people through education, but one day I do hope to work with the very poor here in our country and in countries like Africa or Haiti.  We have convents all around the world, so it is definitely a possibility!

Again, great questions all of you, and thank you everyone for the letters!  I loved reading every single one of them and I will definitely keep all of you and your school in my prayers.  If I had any advice to give you about finding your own vocation, it’s this:  Be confident of God’s love for you.  He knows what you need and what you desire, so pay attention to those things and He’ll lead you on the greatest adventure of your life!




The Sisters in Temporary Vows as of August 2014
(I'm on the far right)

Two Months, Three Vows

As a novice with the Felician Sisters (much like a novice in any religious community), I am currently practicing the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, but have not yet officially professed them.  That is what I am getting ready for in just two short months!  With God's consent, I will make my first vows with the Felicians this August at the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary Convent in Rio Rancho, NM.  Soon enough I will have an update on how everything goes, but at the moment I am in prep mode, which is what I'd like to share with you now!

As you may have read in my previous post, I spent six weeks ministering at an early childcare center and elementary school in Milwaukee, WI.  I had many wonderful experiences there -- which is no surprise when God is in charge! -- and found that these experiences extended into my daily routine as well.

Very close to our convent were three healthcare facilities: a hospital, a rehabilitation center and an assisted living home.  Several of our Sisters minister in each of these capacities, so I had the opportunity to visit a couple of them.  I went to evening Mass regularly at Villa St. Francis, which is the assisted living home.  Sometimes I was able to stay afterward and talk with a few of the residents and once in a while I helped them to their places at table for dinner afterward.  I eventually began helping at Mass as a Eucharistic Minister as well.  On one such occassion I made my way with Communion through the rows and came up to one small lady in the back.  I held up the Host and said, "The Body of Christ."  To my surprise and delight she responded, "And you are His forever."  It is a rare occasion in which someone will respond with something other than "Amen", since that is the practice, but never have I been greeted with a response so unexpected and loving as this one.  When I went home that evening, I continued to reflect on her words, and I still do, as they speak of the commitment into which I am entering as I prepare for my first profession of vows.

The vows, as you may or may not know, are basically three promises we make to God in order to deepen our relationship with Him, ourselves and others.  The vows we take (which are the vows most religious communities take) are poverty, chastity and obedience.  In promising to live a life of poverty, I will promise to God to live a life of simplicity so that I can fill my life with His presence.  It does not mean that I must live with nothing, but it does mean that I should not be concerned with obtaining more than I need and that I should be willing to share what I do have.  In vowing chastity, I am entering into a spousal relationship with God alone.  My family will be the family He chooses for me, the people with whom and to whom I minister in my daily life.  The vow of obedience asks me to listen to the teachings of the Catholic Church.  If there are teachings that I do not understand, or even teachings that I do not agree with, it is my responsibility to learn more about the root of those teachings so that I may live with them in patience.  In terms of community life, the vow of obedience invites us to listen to one another and consider prayerfully what the Lord might be asking of us as individuals and as a community.

You see, then, why this woman's words had such an impact.  Basically she was saying to me, "You
are committed to the Body of Christ forever."  What a commitment!  This means I am to serve my brothers and sisters -- that means all of you! -- in simplicity (poverty), charity (chastity) and humility (obedience).  The words themselves do not sound daunting until I really think of what that means.  It means that I must be willing to give my whole life, my very self, in the same way that Jesus did.  There is a reason He asks, "Can you drink the cup that I ... drink?" (Mt. 20:22).  He knows what courage and fidelity this requires!  If I belong to His body, then this is what I am called to do for the rest of my life as a way of life.  There are two things that give me hope 1) the Resurrection and 2) the fact that "for human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible" (Mt. 19:26).

Although this first profession of vows is not quite permanent, since they only last for one year until I renew them again, I know I need to be prepared to live these vows fully for the year that I do profess them.  They will add a new dimension to my life in community and to the discernment process as I attempt to deepen the relationships I have been working on interiorly throughout these past two years in the novitiate.  I trust all of you will continue to pray for me as I do for you!

New Members and New Events!

Congratulations Amy and Suzanne!  Both of these women attended the Come and See weekend in Enfield, CT this past fall and have decided to discern religious life with the Felicians.  We are proud to have you journey with us!

 

 

 

 

 

On February 14th, the three of us second year novices will be headed to different areas of the country for our apostolic experiences...

 

...I, Sister Desire' Anne-Marie, will be going to Coraopolis, PA to spend time at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart High School.  I will be there for approximately four weeks gaining experience in the classroom as a substitute teacher, shadowing the campus minister, talking with the students and doing whatever it is they need a novice to do!  Afterward I will spend eight weeks in Milwaukee, WI at St. Joseph's Academy.  Sister Mary Brenden, who is the head of mission and outreach for the school, will be my mentor during this time.  I am excited about the fact that St. Joseph's Academy has a high Spanish-speaking population.  I will get to practice my conversational skills!  I'll do my best to keep you updated on how it's going :)

 

Our Lady of the Sacred Heart High School website:

http://www.olsh.org/

 

St. Joseph's Academy website:

http://cdcsj.org/

 

...Sister Bridget Mary, that's me!  I am going to start out at St. Brigid's Parish in San Antonio, Texas!  I love the snow, but I also love the Southwest, so I'm willing to part with the cold weather for awhile.  Sister Dorothy Moczygemba will be guiding me through experiences in both religious education and youth ministry.  After about four weeks there, I will fly to Buffalo, NY to be with our Sisters at Our Lady of Pompeii Convent.  Sister Therese Chmura will be my main connection with religious education.  When my four weeks in New York are up, I will be under the guidance of Sister Faith Balawejder at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Convent in Coraopolis, PA.  There I will be involved with the St. Louise de Marillac Parish.  I am excited about experiencing ministry in a parish since my interest is in pastoral ministry.  Initially I thought I would rather teach adult religious education, but after some time with the children at the Montessori School of Enfield, CT, I am considering religious education with children.  I trust this might help me discern where I am being called!

 

St. Brigid Parish website:

http://www.stbrigidcc.org/

 

St. Louise de Marillac Parish website:

http://stlouisedemarillac.org/

 

Enfield Montessori School website:

http://www.enfieldmontessorischool.org/

 

 

...Hello!  I am Sister Mary Angelise.  I will be starting my apostolic experience at the St. Ignatius Nursing Home in Philadelphia, PA.  I will be focusing on pastoral care and senior activities.  As a postulant, I was fortunate enough to spend a month with our Sisters in the care center at Our Lady of Good Counsel Convent.  I was involved in pastoral care and senior activities there as well and really enjoyed it, so I am glad to have the chance to explore this ministry once again.  After Philadelphia, I will spend time at Felician Village in Manitowoc, WI, where Sister Mary Odelle is the local minister.  There are many possibilities for ministry there, so my specific outreach will be decided when I arrive in March.  I will complete my apostolic experience at the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary Convent in Buffalo, NY.  The opportunities for ministry in the Buffalo area are just as plentiful, so again we will look at the possibilities for ministry when the time comes closer.  Please keep us in your prayers!

St. Ignatius Nursing Home website:

http://www.stignatiusnursinghome.org/

Meet the First Year Novice

Me with the new dog, Sammy

Hello everyone.  I'm the new 1st year novice.  My name is Sister Maria Louise Edwards.  I'm from New Jersey, but I don't have much of an accent.  Honestly not many people I've met from New Jersey have that accent.  It's more common the closer you get to Bayonne and Jersey City.  Anyway, I'm from Saddle Brook, New Jersey, which is a small town near Hackensack (the county seat) and about 20 minutes from Manhattan.  I have a degree in Theatre from NYU and I pursued a career in acting for about ten years.  My vocation story was recorded for our website when I was a postulant:

http://feliciansistersna.org/become-a-felician-sister/vocation-stories/louise-edwards

Since entering the community I have grown to love and deeply respect the Felician Sisters, not only in their commitment as Franciscan women, but also in their commitments to the Church, following in the footprints of St. Francis and Blessed Mary Angela, and committed to the spiritual renewal of the world.

As Franciscans the Felicians have helped me to be a better steward of the earth, making a conscious effort to choose a lifestyle that takes the environment into consideration.  I've learned to clean with vinegar and baking soda rather than products that hurt the environment.  As a house we rarely eat beef and try to buy locally grown produce, if possible.  Just recently we had a class on nutrition and since then I've been keeping a food journal hoping to make healthier choices in what I eat, praying to be a better steward of my body.  I've only been a novice for three months, but physically I feel much healthier than I have in years.



Photo of S Maria Louise taken by Sister Desire' at Talcott Mountain

I've been discerning a vocation to religious life for the past ten years.  It takes some of us longer to get to where the Lord wants us to be.  I felt the Lord calling me to the Felicians because I was drawn first of all to their love for Mary and for the Eucharist, two components in my spirituality that were not optional.  Also not optional was a community that was not only actively faithful to the Magisterium, but recognized the spiritual value in living this truth.  I've seen the Sisters grappling with a lot of the same issues that the Church is grappling with, but their hearts always move toward hopeful obedience.  As I study the letters of our foundress I realize that this was so important to Blessed Mary Angela that she mentioned obedience in nearly every letter she wrote.  This is a great grace and blessing that I think she obtained for our community.  May it always be so going forward.

If you are reading this know that you are in my prayers!
All through the Heart of Mary in honor of the Most Blessed Sacrament!

(Left to right) S Maria Louise, S Bridget Mary, S Desire' Anne-Marie and S Mary Angelise

Come and See 2012 - Enfield, CT

The "Come-and-See" Women with the Novices

This weekend we were fortunate to have five women visit us in Enfield, CT to "Come and See" the life of the Sisters.  In the back row, left to right, we have: me (Sister Desire' Anne-Marie), Suzanne, Sister Maria Louise, Michelle and Sister Bridget Mary.  In the front, left to right, we have: Tina, Sister Mary Angelise, Amy and Caitlin.  The women came from all over -- even as far as California! -- and stayed in the central convent from Friday to Sunday.  They spent Friday evening at the novitiate, asking practical and insightful questions after a delicious pizza snack.  One question was about travel.  Michelle asked how often we were able to go home and visit family.  As novices, we explained, we go home twice a year: at Christmas and again in August.  It comes out to about three weeks all together.  Caitlin was curious about what life in the postulancy was like.  We told her that it's very different from the novitiate because in postulancy the focus is on getting to know the Community, both through classes and through travel.  We went somewhere different almost every month, but in the end we felt that we really knew who our Sisters were and what sort of ministry opportunities were available.  In the novitiate focus is on our interior lives more and how to incorporate our prayer into our ministry.  We had a wonderful group conversation and we ended the evening by saying night prayer together.



Visiting with Sister Margaret, our 102-year-old :)

Before the group left on Sunday, they were able to stop in our care center and visit with the Sisters for a while.  Sister Margaret shared her enthusiasm and wisdom, promising to pray for them and Sister Anastasia asked the novices to serenade everyone with our musical instruments.  The Sisters really enjoyed having the women over.  Tina and Suzanne even received surprise gifts!  Sister Edmund, whose favorite past-time is crocheting, handed them her last two knitted caps, delighted to give them a good home.  They will all surely be missed!  Please keep them in your prayers too, as well as all those who are taking the time to discern what God may be asking of them.

Also, the next "Come and See" weekend will be held in beautiful Rio Rancho, NM from Friday, April 19 to Sunday, April 21.  If you have ever wanted to 1) visit New Mexico and 2) see what life as a Felician might be like, then this is the perfect opportunity for you!  Feel free to contact Sister Mary Beth at smarybeth@feliciansisters.org for details.  May God continue to bless and keep you!

This is My Life

It was suggested to me by a friend (Paula Binsol) to write a blog about my daily activities.  An excellent idea, dear Paula!  I will also mention, as suggested, my favorite prayers and/or ways to praise God.  This is for all the men and women out there discerning their vocation!

 

Our schedule is basically the same Monday through Friday with a few variations here and there, so I will share what a typical day is like:

 

• 5:15 a.m. -- (Not a requirement)  I go for an hour walk with any Sister who wishes to join me

• 6:40 a.m. -- The Sisters gather together in Chapel for 40 minutes of silent meditation
• 7:20 a.m. -- We pray Morning Prayer from the Franciscan Office together
• 8:00 a.m. -- Mass at a nearby Parish
• 8:45 a.m. -- Breakfast together, my favorite meal :)
• 9:45 a.m. -- Class with one of the Professed Sisters in the house
• 11:40 a.m. -- Common Rosary (on Mondays and Wednesdays)
• 12:00 p.m. -- Lunch together
• 1:00-2:00 p.m. -- Adoration in half-hour shifts  (on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays)
• If you are scheduled to cook, somewhere in here would be your prep time
• 3:00 p.m. -- Second class of the day
• 4:45 p.m. -- We pray Evening Prayer together from the Franciscan Office
• 5:00 p.m. -- Dinner together
• 7:00 p.m. -- Recreation (on Tuesdays and Sundays)
• Times may vary due to individual sleeping habits J -- Private Night Prayer

Sister Bridget hammin' it up for the kiddos!

That is our basic schedule, although as I said it does change from time to time.  For example, Tuesdays are our outreach days, so we do not have classes or Adoration.  When I say "outreach" I mean it is the day we go out for ministry.  Our ministries vary from spending time with children to visiting our older Sisters who live next door.  We also help tutor adults who are learning English and entertain our neighbors at the Adult Day Care.  In the fall and spring we also attend a Scripture class through the Archdiocese, which has been a wonderful source of wisdom and friendships.

 

As for the weekend, Saturday is usually a day of relaxation, so Morning and Evening Prayer is private.  Sometimes there are special events to attend, or we novices go shopping together for our monthly outing.  On Saturdays we are also given the option to attend 11 o'clock Mass with the Little Sisters of the Poor (Sleep in?  Oh yeah.), and on Sundays we spend time with our Sisters in the central convent.  We have breakfast with them as well as Morning Prayer and Mass, and then one Sunday a month we help at a local soup kitchen where the Sisters provide a hot meal for the guests.

 

At the Mashantucket Pequot Museum and Research Center

On occasion the novices and their directors go on outings together, or educational trips.  One such trip was a visit to the Pequot Tribe Museum; another was accompanying our Sisters to the Aquarium in Mystic; there were also a couple of trips to the water; even some trips to Pennsylvania, New York and New Jersey.  I have found that both our daily routine and the special events are equally exciting.  What we learn during our time at home seems to enhance our time outside of the house.  Due to what I learn through our novitiate classes, I am able to laugh with strangers, share myself with others and give from what I have received.  Although this year has not been easy, it has been a blessing.  I have struggled with confusion and frustration, but in the midst of it, God has taught me patience and communication.

A large part of our lives is prayer.  Beyond the prayer we experience together in Chapel, we are also encouraged to spend time in prayer on our own throughout the day.  Here are my favorite ways to praise God and to converse with Him:

• making rosaries
• praying outside, whether with a book, an Office (Divine Office, Franciscan Office, or Office of the Passion), or simply by enjoying the outdoors
• walking
• talking with my Sisters... and sometimes with plants, such as Joseph my tree
• journaling -- I love to write!
• making candles
• dancing
• drawing
• painting

Yup, I made that candle and those Rosaries!

When it comes to praying on my own, I have discovered that there are a multitude of ways to enjoy my time of reflection or meditation.  The type of environment I need to create for myself shifts from day to day, or even by the hour.  Sometimes I enjoy listening to music (Danielle Rose mostly) and sometimes I prefer silence.  Sunny weather and rainy days are both great for me; each have their own ways to inspire!  When I pray at night I usually enjoy a dark room with candles lit to remind myself of the mystery of God.  I consider sleep a prayer, too!  I love to sleep: it is the only time when all my senses have been quieted and I can be 100% open to the Lord.  I take my dreams very seriously and they usually end up becoming a large part of my prayer life as well.  Prayer is not always exciting or instantly gratifying, but faithfulness to prayer produces an abundance of grace which may not always be recognized or felt.  It took me a while to learn this, but I think I finally caught on ;)

 

I hope I was able to answer some questions or satisfy some curiosity, but if any questions remain, do not hesitate to post them in the comment box below!

~May God continue to bless and keep you~