The Heart of a Mother

I love giving vocation talks, not because I'm trying to recruit young women to religious life, but because a lot of young people are curious about the lives of Sisters and don't always have a chance to ask us questions. The Q&A portion is my favorite part of a vocation talk. I get questions as simple as "Are you allowed to listen to any kind of music?" and questions as complicated as "Don't you want to have children?" This second question is the one I sat down to write about today.

When I ask a young woman whether or not she has considered the possibility of religious life, if she says, "No," it's often followed by, "Because I want to get married and have children." Oddly enough, a lot of Sisters I know said the very same thing when someone had asked them the very same question. Despite all the gender stereotype and social construct arguments, I do believe that our bodies are deeply connected to our souls. The womb of a woman is not just another body part, but is central and sacred, even the womb of a woman physically unable bear children. The space within us tells us that we are bearers of life, that we can carry another human being within ourselves. It makes sense, then, that a young woman's hesitation to religious life would be the relinquishing of such a gift. But is it something we actually relinquish?

This reminds me of the story of Abraham, called to return his son to the Lord by sacrificing him. That's how I felt about dance once upon a time. I thought that once I entered the convent there would be no dancing, that it would be a gift I would have to sacrifice and return to God. Instead, it has been returned to me and its blessing upon my life has increased a hundredfold, just like God promising Abraham "descendants as countless as the stars" because he was willing to let go of that which he held dear (Gen. 22:17). I think it's the same for a woman who cherishes her life-bearing abilities and yet decides to live out the religious vow of chastity. Many of us enter religious life thinking, "I would love to have children, but this is where I am called, and so I am willing to make this sacrifice." In the end, though, I am starting to see that much like Abraham, we too receive descendants as countless as the stars.

I didn't think too often about having children until I was a novice and my sister was pregnant with her first child. The mystery and excitement of it all paralleled a deep sadness that began to run through me. Being the older sister by only a few years, my younger sister and I had always been very close. I had often experienced life's challenges first which gave me the ability to help guide her through similar challenges later. That was not the case this time. I couldn't understand what she was going through and, I realized, I never would. "We'll never be able to swap giving-birth stories," I thought, "Or watch our kids play and grow up together." I would smile whenever we spoke on the phone, but at night I would turn to my pillow and cry.

Roller-coasters with my favorite nephew

It's been six years since then. In addition to her gentle son, my sister also has a girl now, a spicy little 5-year-old who couldn't wait to start kindergarten this year. As I prepare to make final vows, I still let my mind drift from time to time and wonder what it would have been like to have children. I wonder what they would have looked like, or how they would have behaved. Would they have been artists or athletes? Maybe both! I wonder if I would have ever gotten them to school on time since I can't stand waking up early. Would they have been little night owls, too? Or would they have pounced on me at 5:00 in the morning, ready for a new day?

Twinning with my favorite niece

While I do not have answers to those questions, I am starting to feel my heart open up in a way I can only describe as the heart of a mother. I would do anything for my nephew and niece. I save all the drawings they give me; I think mean thoughts about the kids that bully them (and then try to pray for the conversion of their heathen souls); I spend all my money on them at Christmas; and I sit on the phone with them for as long as they want when they call. They may not be my kids, but my heart can't tell the difference. My sister jokes that they're half of her and half of me. My nephew is becoming a little bookworm, just like I was when I was his age, and my niece is obsessed with animals of all sorts, wanting to rescue them no matter how big or small.

That maternal love is extending now, further and further, as I spend more time with the youth in our country. During a retreat this month I had the opportunity to speak one-on-one with a handful of high school students. I was surprised by the level of despair and pain with which they came to me. They were carrying tragedy and questions that I never had to deal with so young. As I listened to them I longed to carry it all for them. I found myself asking God how I could help lighten their loads, or how I could help them discover the abundance of God's love for them. I would sometimes look out at all of them during quiet moments of prayer, just to take in every little hair on their precious heads. I imagine that's how a parent feels - wishing they could take away their child's pain, whether it's a scraped knee or a deep heartache; or watching their child, toddler or teen, during some simple activity and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift of their lives.

Maybe I thought I was giving up a huge part of my life when I realized I wouldn't be having children; maybe I felt like I was sacrificing my own child the way Abraham must have felt as he held the knife over Isaac; but God's invitation is always followed by lavish, life-altering love. That's what I found instead of sacrifice and emptiness. I am discovering each day a love that is as true as any I could have hoped for. I guess my answer to the question "Don't you want to have children?" will now be something more along the lines of, "Of course! That's why I have hundreds."

Renewal of Vows

Here is a write-up from my renewal of vows!

 

What is so special about August 15? In the Felician world, a whole lot. Not only is it the celebration of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, but it was also vow renewal day for S Desiré Anne Marie Findlay.

In a ceremony during Mass at Immaculate Conception Convent in Lodi, NJ, Sister Desiré made her temporary profession of vows for the second time. SM Christopher Moore, provincial minister, officially received the vows that were witnessed by S Judith Marie Blizzard, director of formation, and S Barbara Marie Brylka, co-director of the sisters in temporary profession.

Brother Dominic Michael Hart, a Franciscan Brother of Peace, was a special guest of Sister Desiré for the renewal.  Paula Binsol, a graduate of Felician College was also able to attend, as well as Seeds of Hope participant, Natalia Tomczyk.

In his homily, Father Leonard Stunek emphasized the call of the Blessed Virgin and Elizabeth as examples of being faithful to God--how they did not ignore the call of God, but wholeheartedly embraced it. 

Because of the holy day, the entire community renewed their vows, thus making Sister Desiré's fiat even stronger with her sisters' fiats supporting her. The feast of the Assumption is also Sister Desiré's feast day and, at breakfast, the sisters sang and wished her many blessings for the upcoming year. 

The temporary professed sisters also continued their semiannual meeting on Friday. SM Ambrose Wozniak, promoter of the cause of Blessed Mary Angela, spoke about Blessed Angela and her devotion to the Eucharist. In her presentation, Sister Ambrose described Eucharistic processions in Poland and their customs. She explained that the people set up elaborate altars in front of homes throughout the parishes, and the processions were filled with pageantry and attended by thousands of people. She noted that it was at one of these processions that the young Sophia Truszkowska became enraptured with Christ in the Holy Eucharist, as well as the fact that Eucharist was not received by the faithful on a regular basis. 

S Heather Marie Deneen said that the talk helped the temporary professed sisters to receive a fuller understanding of Blessed Angela's gift of Eucharistic devotion to her sisters. 

During the afternoon, the temporary professed sisters had a Q and A session with Sister Christopher and Sister Judith. Sister Heather said, "They gave advice on how to handle community life situations, answered questions about policies and what was going on in the province, and listened to our concerns." 

SM Monica Ann Blazuk said, "We really appreciate Sister Christopher and Sister Judy taking the time to be with us, to be sister to us, and to answer our questions."

 

 

To be Consecrated

Sister Claire processing in with the cross

On Thursday, August 15, 2013, I made my first profession of vows as a Felician Franciscan Sister.  I deepened my baptismal commitment by professing the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience (explained here in another blog).  I was surrounded by Sisters, family and friends, all of whom have been and continue to be a wonderful display of God's affection for me.

Depiction of the Assumption at RR convent

August 15th is a major day for our community and for me in many ways.  Our Felician community is particularly fond of the Blessed Virgin Mary because of her selfless "Yes" to God which gave flesh and bone to God's own Son, making Him a brother to the entire human race.  The 15th of August is known as the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary because it is that day the Church celebrates her assumption into heaven.  Each of our central Felician convents is named after Mary in her honor; the convent in Rio Rancho is named The Convent of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, which means that August 15th is the day they celebrate their own special feast.  Each of the Sisters has her own personal feast day as well, so any Sister who has the same name as a saint would celebrate her feast day on the feast day of the saint.  For example, a Sister named Rose would typically celebrate on August 23rd because that is the feast day of St. Rose of Lima.  Because there is not (yet) a St. Desire', I chose a Marian feast.  I could have picked any day on which we celebrate the Virgin Mary, but I chose the Feast of the Assumption.  So not only is August 15th the feast day of the convent where I met the Felicians as well as my own personal feast day, but it was also my grandmother's birthday -- the woman whose faith has been a large part of my own faith formation.

As I stood in front of my ever-growing family, I spoke these words in order to profess the vows I have chosen to live:

I, Sister Desire' Anne-Marie, vow to Almighty God chastity, poverty and obedience for one year

according to the Constitutions of the Sisters of St. Felix of Cantalice,

and I promise to live according to the Rule of the Third Order Regular of St. Francis.

 

I choose Jesus for my spouse and Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary for my mother and lady,

the seraphic St. Francis for my model of evangelical life,

and this Congregation for my family.

 

I make my profession into the hands of Sister Mary Christopher, Provincial Minister,

and I entrust my vows to the Immaculate Heart of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
 

To which the presider said:

 

And I promise you on the part of Almighty God and in the name of the Blessed Virgin Mary,

that if you observe all this, you shall receive life everlasting.

+In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

 

And I responded with "Amen"!

 

After professing the vows, I received the symbols of my religious profession.  I was given a black veil to replace my white one which proclaims that I now belong entirely to Christ and am dedicated to the service of the Church.  I received the crucifix which serves as a reminder to me of God's infinite love for His people.  I was given the Rule of St. Francis and the Constitutions of our community that I may maintain them as my way of life.  The candle I received represents the light of Christ, which serves to enlighten those who chose to be His apostles.  This all took place throughout the Mass, and as a final blessing, all raised their hands over me to pray in the words of Blessed Mary Angela, our foundress:

 

 

 "May the Lord give you a humble love which expands itself, a generous love which forgets itself, a strong love which is not afraid of pain, a stable love which does not change, a patient love which can bear everything, a fervent love which never weakens, a constant love which never falters.  Amen."

 Afterward we took many pictures (posted below), followed by good food and company!

 

With Council members, my former director, and Mass celebrants

My sister Johnele and her lovely family!

Aunts, Uncles, Cousin, Mom and baby sis :)



Dad and Grandparents



Viola who, with her daughter Rachel, played for the Mass

Linda who also did a lot for the music of the Mass!

All photographs posted on this blog were taken by Evelyn Hornbarger, a young woman of the LDS church whose own faith and kindness have been an inspiration!  She also wrote a blog on the event which you can access here.  I will post more photos from the ceremony itself when I have a bit more time as well as some antics from recent Pomona Catholic high school adventures.

 

Thank you for continuing to be a part of my journey!  May we bring one another to heaven :)

New Members and New Events!

Congratulations Amy and Suzanne!  Both of these women attended the Come and See weekend in Enfield, CT this past fall and have decided to discern religious life with the Felicians.  We are proud to have you journey with us!

 

 

 

 

 

On February 14th, the three of us second year novices will be headed to different areas of the country for our apostolic experiences...

 

...I, Sister Desire' Anne-Marie, will be going to Coraopolis, PA to spend time at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart High School.  I will be there for approximately four weeks gaining experience in the classroom as a substitute teacher, shadowing the campus minister, talking with the students and doing whatever it is they need a novice to do!  Afterward I will spend eight weeks in Milwaukee, WI at St. Joseph's Academy.  Sister Mary Brenden, who is the head of mission and outreach for the school, will be my mentor during this time.  I am excited about the fact that St. Joseph's Academy has a high Spanish-speaking population.  I will get to practice my conversational skills!  I'll do my best to keep you updated on how it's going :)

 

Our Lady of the Sacred Heart High School website:

http://www.olsh.org/

 

St. Joseph's Academy website:

http://cdcsj.org/

 

...Sister Bridget Mary, that's me!  I am going to start out at St. Brigid's Parish in San Antonio, Texas!  I love the snow, but I also love the Southwest, so I'm willing to part with the cold weather for awhile.  Sister Dorothy Moczygemba will be guiding me through experiences in both religious education and youth ministry.  After about four weeks there, I will fly to Buffalo, NY to be with our Sisters at Our Lady of Pompeii Convent.  Sister Therese Chmura will be my main connection with religious education.  When my four weeks in New York are up, I will be under the guidance of Sister Faith Balawejder at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Convent in Coraopolis, PA.  There I will be involved with the St. Louise de Marillac Parish.  I am excited about experiencing ministry in a parish since my interest is in pastoral ministry.  Initially I thought I would rather teach adult religious education, but after some time with the children at the Montessori School of Enfield, CT, I am considering religious education with children.  I trust this might help me discern where I am being called!

 

St. Brigid Parish website:

http://www.stbrigidcc.org/

 

St. Louise de Marillac Parish website:

http://stlouisedemarillac.org/

 

Enfield Montessori School website:

http://www.enfieldmontessorischool.org/

 

 

...Hello!  I am Sister Mary Angelise.  I will be starting my apostolic experience at the St. Ignatius Nursing Home in Philadelphia, PA.  I will be focusing on pastoral care and senior activities.  As a postulant, I was fortunate enough to spend a month with our Sisters in the care center at Our Lady of Good Counsel Convent.  I was involved in pastoral care and senior activities there as well and really enjoyed it, so I am glad to have the chance to explore this ministry once again.  After Philadelphia, I will spend time at Felician Village in Manitowoc, WI, where Sister Mary Odelle is the local minister.  There are many possibilities for ministry there, so my specific outreach will be decided when I arrive in March.  I will complete my apostolic experience at the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary Convent in Buffalo, NY.  The opportunities for ministry in the Buffalo area are just as plentiful, so again we will look at the possibilities for ministry when the time comes closer.  Please keep us in your prayers!

St. Ignatius Nursing Home website:

http://www.stignatiusnursinghome.org/

Meet the First Year Novice

Me with the new dog, Sammy

Hello everyone.  I'm the new 1st year novice.  My name is Sister Maria Louise Edwards.  I'm from New Jersey, but I don't have much of an accent.  Honestly not many people I've met from New Jersey have that accent.  It's more common the closer you get to Bayonne and Jersey City.  Anyway, I'm from Saddle Brook, New Jersey, which is a small town near Hackensack (the county seat) and about 20 minutes from Manhattan.  I have a degree in Theatre from NYU and I pursued a career in acting for about ten years.  My vocation story was recorded for our website when I was a postulant:

http://feliciansistersna.org/become-a-felician-sister/vocation-stories/louise-edwards

Since entering the community I have grown to love and deeply respect the Felician Sisters, not only in their commitment as Franciscan women, but also in their commitments to the Church, following in the footprints of St. Francis and Blessed Mary Angela, and committed to the spiritual renewal of the world.

As Franciscans the Felicians have helped me to be a better steward of the earth, making a conscious effort to choose a lifestyle that takes the environment into consideration.  I've learned to clean with vinegar and baking soda rather than products that hurt the environment.  As a house we rarely eat beef and try to buy locally grown produce, if possible.  Just recently we had a class on nutrition and since then I've been keeping a food journal hoping to make healthier choices in what I eat, praying to be a better steward of my body.  I've only been a novice for three months, but physically I feel much healthier than I have in years.



Photo of S Maria Louise taken by Sister Desire' at Talcott Mountain

I've been discerning a vocation to religious life for the past ten years.  It takes some of us longer to get to where the Lord wants us to be.  I felt the Lord calling me to the Felicians because I was drawn first of all to their love for Mary and for the Eucharist, two components in my spirituality that were not optional.  Also not optional was a community that was not only actively faithful to the Magisterium, but recognized the spiritual value in living this truth.  I've seen the Sisters grappling with a lot of the same issues that the Church is grappling with, but their hearts always move toward hopeful obedience.  As I study the letters of our foundress I realize that this was so important to Blessed Mary Angela that she mentioned obedience in nearly every letter she wrote.  This is a great grace and blessing that I think she obtained for our community.  May it always be so going forward.

If you are reading this know that you are in my prayers!
All through the Heart of Mary in honor of the Most Blessed Sacrament!

(Left to right) S Maria Louise, S Bridget Mary, S Desire' Anne-Marie and S Mary Angelise

1,586 Sisters and Counting

"Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father"

(Mt. 5:16)

It was St. Joseph's Day and everyone was in good spirits.  The Sisters had an ice cream party, I won a prize for my nephew Jeremiah who has yet to come into the world, and I stayed up late pondering life, reflecting upon the person I am growing into and where God is taking me.  I finally began drifting into the comfort of sleep just past midnight when the quiet of our house was interrupted by a phone call.  Since it was so late I knew someone was in need of prayer.  "Hail Mary, full of grace..." I began, but in my mind I wondered who the call was for.  "I hope it's not for me," I thought, and I continued to pray.  I listened for the sound of footsteps in the hall just to make sure they weren't headed my way.  "Don't knock on my door, please don't knock on my door," I begged, and I sat up in bed to listen more closely.  Then it happened: TAP TAP TAP, "Sister Desire'?  Sister Desire', it's your mom."  The door opened before I even put my hand on the knob and I rushed to the phone.  "Iseverythingok?!" I asked and my mom had to comfort me before even telling me what was going on.  "It's alright," she assured me, "I'm sorry to call so late, but Johnele is in the emergency room because she's having contractions.  She's around 30 weeks, so she is two months early.  I haven't heard much else, but I'll call back if I need to.  Remember, it's Saint Joseph's day and the baby is supposed to be 'Jeremiah Joseph', so make sure to include the patron as you pray for your sister and nephew."  Sister Carlotta, who had answered the phone, stood eagerly in the hallway to see if there was anything I needed.  I shared the news and she assured me of her prayers as we parted to try and go back to bed.  I could hardly sleep, but around 2:00 a.m., as I began to pray a second rosary, I finally let myself rest.
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Johnele and Angelina:
The two sisters I started out with <3

In the days following I was able to maintain constant contact with my sister, Johnele.  She kept me updated and the Sisters in the house were eager to hear of any new information I had to share.  "It's wonderful to be surrounded by people who care," I thought to myself, but I still wanted to be there for my sister.  Then, in the midst of my self pity, the Lord reminded me of a Sister whose close relative had died while she was away.  Unable to attend the funeral, a few of the Sisters in the nearby area had offered to attend in her name.  It was such a touching story, and as I thought about it, I realized I could ask some of the Sisters in New Mexico to stop in and see my sister.  Would you believe that the very day I called and asked this favor of them, Johnele received a phone call and a visit from some New Mexico Felicians?  Not only that, but they spread the word and I ended up receiving emails from even more Felicians who assured me of their prayers.



The Felician Franciscan Sisters are 1,586 Sisters worldwide and I can say with pride that it is a joy to be among their members.  The kindness they have shown to me and to those I hold dear tells me that it is possible to live out the heroic love of Christ.

Flowers from the Felicians

I feel as though my life has been especially blessed; like no matter what challenges or difficulties present themselves, I will be well cared for.  I realize, though, that God would have walked with  me no matter where I went in life.  The only reason I am seeing this so clearly now must indicate that I am in the right place -- the place where His light is most visible to me.  How generous and perfect and loving is our God to provide us each with a path that simply leads us closer to Him.


"The path of the just is like shining light that grows in brilliance."
(Prov. 4:18)

Franciscans Are My Favorite

Sister Clare and Myself

I was recently given the opportunity, along with my three of my fellow novices, to go with our Assistant Director to four days of Franciscan wonderment in Graymoor, NY.  From Tuesday, November 8th until Friday, November 11th we enjoyed the fellowship of other novices and the like from several different Franciscan communities.  The speaker, Sister Clare D'Auria, OSF, shared her wisdom on discernment and what it means to be a part of the Franciscan family.  The photos and links offer you a little window into the time we spent there... The videos are skits or parodies performed by several of the novices and postulants who attended the conference that week.





Our dear TOR Sisters did a wonderful parody to "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" -- it was fantastic.  They're included in our plan for the next skit, of course.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz_P7-b6w4M

We can't leave out our TOR Brothers who did a hilarious sing-a-long song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWfHaiPJLNc

And the OFM Brothers put on the best magic show I've ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_Pfyl_Hvtc
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Some Franciscan Fun -- TORs and Felicians!

I learned so much, not only from our speaker, but also from my Brothers and Sisters in Christ.  I learned that not only is it possible to "put yourself out there" -- talents, non-talents and all -- but it's possible to be accepted for these things as well.  I felt so comfortable with these people that I knew even if I had done a solo and sang something in my toneless voice, I would've walked away receiving plenty of honest encouragement.  These people are real: They're genuine, they're humble, they're loving... I was blessed first with my biological family, but it seems I have been blessed also with the best extended family anyone could ask for.  I only pray that I may fit right in and be able to accept not only myself with all of my imperfections, but others with all of their imperfections as well.  Sister Clare reminded us during the week that, "God is always with us.  Whether we go to the left, or go to the right, He's right there, telling us, 'This is the way, walk in it.'  Even when we choose the wrong path or make a mistake, He's still with us."  Should we not, then, be ready to always accompany our neighbor no matter what journey they are on or where they are at in that journey?  In doing so, we would give each other a better idea of who God truly is.

Our Great Franciscan Group!

Hello, World!

Days of Being a Novice: 24

Today, I, Sister Desiré Anne-Marie Findlay, am taking over the novitiate blog for the next two years J  It is a great honor and, so far, a great joy to assume this role.  (I say “so far” because I have not yet encountered what writing a blog will be like under the full-fledged force of “novice-ness”.)  “Novice-ness” is a new word; let me tell you about it, as this may lead me into more substantial mumblings later on…



Spanish Teacher for a Day!

I went to Pomona, CA for my apostolic ministry as a postulant during the month of February this year.  I spent time visiting with families, feeding the homeless, and talking to young women at the Pomona All-Girls Catholic High School.  I spoke with many of the classes and all of the girls were welcoming and kind; they were eager to talk with me about religious life and listened attentively to what I had to say.  Upon my pending departure, the girls encouraged me to “Come back!”  “We’ll be sure to visit you when you teach here,” they said, but I wondered when I’d ever see or hear from them again.

On August 14, 2011, I celebrated my Mass of Thanksgiving and entrance into the novitiate with my family and friends in Rio Rancho, NM.  A package from Sister Feliz was among my gifts and inside was a stack of papers.  Pulling them out, my eyes widened and almost started to leak – this “stack of papers” was a bundle of cards the girls made to congratulate me on becoming a novice.  “Whoot!” and “PC is proud of you!” they said.  Nina gave me the new word; she said: “I’m sure you will make a fabulous nun (at the end of your novice-ness…)  “Huh,” I thought to myself, “novice-ness.  It’s perfect!  All of novitiate – the homework, ‘formation moments’, excitement, transition, everything – it can now be summarized into this one word.”  So when you see it in my future blog antics, you’ll know just what it means and where it came from.  Fancy that!

Mass of Thanksgiving

Now, “what does this have to do with prayer?” one might ask, since this is the blog of a young woman pursuing religious life.  I’ll tell you.  In response to their thoughtfulness, I am making each of them a knotted chaplet.  On the knots of each decade, I recited either 10 Hail Mary’s, Glory Be’s, Jesus prayers, or prayers to the Immaculate Heart of Mary for the student and her intentions, or the student and her family.  On the cross of each chaplet I sprinkled 1) Holy Water from the Shrine of Divine Mercy, 2) Holy Water from the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico, or 3) blessed soil from the Marian Shrine in Chimayó, NM.  As you can imagine, this was (and still is) a lot of work.

I began making these chaplets just after I’d been thinking about what it meant to “pray always.”  When I looked for this verse in the Bible, it appeared in 1 Thess. 5: 16-18; Lk. 18:1; Eph. 6:18; and Lk. 21:36.  I’m sure it appears much more often than that, but to find it in four different places so quickly shows us how important an instruction it is.  So as I worked on these chaplets, the words “pray always” came to life: instead of simply making chaplets, I asked Christ to turn my activity into a prayer.  There are plenty of things in our lives that can become prayer, like cooking, or dancing… Even cleaning!  We know we can offer up our joys, our chores, and especially our sorrows, as prayers for others to our Heavenly Father.  I think that’s what it means to pray always – when we learn how to sincerely be in prayer during times of solitude, conversation, ministry, or wherever else the Lord beckons us to be at the moment.  See, I told you my story would lead us to some substantial mumblings...  I praise God the Holy Spirit for that!  Amen.

With Much Love and Many Blessings,

Sister Desiré Anne-Marie J